Praise Fest

At some point, I was depressed and downcast...Have you ever felt that you knew exactly what's wrong with you but you have a hard time changing it? Well, I have. I even said, "why am I like this? Why can't I change it? I hate this heart of mine!!" (when I said heart, I meant just the bad parts...not the entire thing)... As I uttered those words, this small voice kept saying, "lift it to God and it'll be alright." But I just wouldn't listen... That wasn't the only cause of my depression. I felt something heavier, but I didn't know why. The feeling was just there... And even though I told it to a lot of people, it just wouldn't go away.
I'm going to tell you how good God has been to me. Yesterday we had our Juniors' night, and part of the program was a praise fest. At that time I was feeling depressed again, and I told Ayame, "I am going to participate in the dance... I'm going to join in all the games because I want to forget this feeling, even just for a while."... I really didn't care about winning anything or losing. I just wanted to forget that stupid feeling... I just wanted to go home. At that time I just wanted to be by myself... I just wanted to stay home and be away from everyone for a while, because I felt so depressed. Anyway, I told myself, "how can I possibly praise God the way I am now?"...Nevertheless, I decided that it would also be a good way to forget things. At the first part of the fest, I was in front. But later, I moved to the back, beside a fellow Christian and good friend of mine... After a while, she told me that she was going to the CR, so I was left alone. The crowd was in front, and to small groups were in front of me and behind me. It didn't matter... Anyway, the next song was "Power of your Love", and I told myself "Oh boy...sigh..." Power of Your Love isn't exactly my favorite song. It's a nice song, but I'm just not interested in it. ironically, when the chorus began, it hit my heart! At that moment, I felt the depression sink in so strongly that I cried (for the first time in my school praise fest life, I cried). I cried hard (but I tried not to make a sound)... I closed my eyes and tried my best to sing the song... But I felt the tears rolling down one after the other. I sang the lines, "hold me close, let your love surround me..." from my heart... I really wanted God to draw me to Him, because I was in pain. then, my friend came back. She placed her arm over my shoulder and said, "let's go further back." I went with her to the back, and I just kept crying. Then I realized she was praying for me... There was something she said which made me realize just why I was depressed. She said, "Lord, she is lonely."... At that moment, I realized that I was indeed lonesome. That was the most painful kind of lonliness I felt. Nothing was wrong, yet I felt so lonely... I could turn to no one, because nobody could fill in the hole that depression had eaten in my heart... As the song ended, her prayer also ended. Then the next song was "To the Ends of the Earth" The first lines really got me..."Love unfailing, overtaking my heart..." and I said, "yes, Lord..." At that moment, I said "Lord, I surrender all to you..." And I just kept crying. So much I couldn't sing the song well... But I felt the burden being lifted. It was gone! felt so light inside...
After the praise fest and some more activities, I went to talk with my friends. I told myself, "I guess it wont be easy, but at least I know God is with me."... As I spoke to them, they were very understanding. They told me what my mistake was, and I wasn't surprised, because I knew it (I mentioned it above). But they were so understanding... It melted my heart. I can't describe the joy I felt. And from that time on, I felt free to cry during the activities (for the first time)... Not because I felt down and depressed, but because God has been so good to me... That was the first time I experienced His love for me.

notes:

• I want to thank my friends for being so understanding. I never expected things to turn out that way...
• Now I can really tell you that all of life's trials is there so that the moment you realize you can turn to no one, God is there ready to take action. When I surrendered to God, He really, really found the best way to fix things. He filled that hole in my heart... And I am forever grateful.
• How about you? Have you felt so depressed and down that you could turn to no one? Are you feeling that now? Turn to God... When I turned back to Him, he solved everything so easily, and I was so happy...
• In case you were wondering, that picture of little naruto crying and Minato hugging him represents me, and minato represents God, who comforted me though I cant see Him.
  
• I wanna say thank you to my friends for everything. They truly play a huge part of my life. I wanna say thank you to the friend who prayed for me, because through her prayer I realized the source of my sorrow. And I want to thank God, for filling the hole in my heart which no one else could fill.